User talk:TheEliteGhost
Hey! So your story is definitely not up to Quality Standards. It just says - boy meets thing - boy runs - the end. If you want to have it up to qs, I suggest you add some more about the boy and make this a multiple time occurrence. It is good so far, just do a little editing and you can get it up. Do not repost your story. When you are done editing contact an Administrator. [[User:ThisIsLucid|'Listen to your heart']] [[User talk:ThisIsLucid|'Listen to the voices inside your brain']] 23:05, March 20, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:56, March 20, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:04, March 21, 2017 (UTC) Re: Story I'm sorry, but this story failed to meet the bare minimum quality standards for the site due to its numerous capitalization, punctuation, grammatical, spelling, wording, and story issues. I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop as there are a lot of issues here you're overlooking. Run-on/awkward sentences: "As a gift for my 25th birthday, my co-worker, gave me a journal of some sorts to write in, it was strange though, everybody, looked at me weirdly like there was something was wrong with me, I guess it was just something on my shirt.", " It was about a woman who was a 20's film actress, always watched her old films, and it was a quick episode", "Anyways, this is going to be a short entry, I'm just going to talk about the episode of "The Dimension" I saw today, it got strange, the episode was called "The TV" was about a man, probably late 50's was trying to get his TV fixed, the repairman left, and the man, got his TV fixed and he realized he got a channel he's never had, when he watched it, he saw a glimpse of what happens in the future, he saw himself fighting with his wife, and pushing her out the window, then going to jail." etc. Capitalization: "I always watch Black (black) and white channels", "come. one (One) day, on the 17 of November, 1959,", "this episode was called "The Woman who loves (Loves) film (Film)"", "The Dimension" titled "Gone" was about of man, when waking up realizes he's alone, and no one is on planet earth (Earth)", etc. Punctuation: "not the channel itself, but rather the show(apostrophe missing)s episodes.", "that wanted their father(')s fortune.", etc. Grammar/wording: It's=it is, its=possession. "it took me a long time to get though, its already 1959.". Their=possession, there=indicatory, they're=they are. "They looked in the mirror, and they saw that the masks formed into there face." Spelling/missing word errors: "the episod ends with him", "this has to just coincidence, right?", etc. I would strongly suggest proof-reading your story as there are quite a lot of mechanical issues other than this throughout the story. Story issues: A majority of these feel like separate stories that are lacking necessary build-up. For example, this plot point falls flat as there's nothing to build up the scene or make it descriptive in any way: "As a way to get the fortune, the family has to wear weird masks, until midnight, the episode had tension, it was midnight. Something happened, the father died, not from old age, or heart attack, no. He died from lack of oxygen" What do the masks look like, how exactly did he die from lack of oxygen, was he wearing a mask too? Why make this stipulation in the first place? Story issues cont.: A majority of the journal entries don't feel like they were written in a realistic fashion. Lines like: "The episode ended, then I passed out, it was the next morning." and "The ending is that the woman gets sucked into her own film, where she lives there forever. This concludes, this journal entry." feel more like you're trying to find a way to end the segments properly, but can't quite seem to figure out an organic way of ending each entry. Story issues cont.: There are other plot issues like the rushed episodes that really result in a hastily-written feeling for the story and the lack of believable characters (why exactly is the protagonist watching this show after he repeatedly references the fact he should stop watching and his friend was just pulled into an episode), but I think I'm just going to give one last example as this has gone on for quite some time and it's getting late on my end. "After watching that episode, I realized, that I was alone! No one was around. I walked around the empty streets, stumbling across, a mirror. That's when I realized, my face was just like the faces at the end of "Behind the Mask", alot of people I knew were in films just like in "The Woman who loves film", my co-worker what happened to him, just like in "The TV", and now what has happened, just like "Gone". I now know, what the title means, by "The Dimension"." feels like a rushed attempt to tie everything together and robs it of any real effectiveness. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here and a majority of the issues fall on the plot itself resulting in a story that fails to meet the bare minimum quality standards for the site. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:32, March 21, 2017 (UTC)